I realized that since my termination in January 2010, my sole focus had been to get pregnant. Each month I planned around my ovulation, when I would find out and expected due date. After two months of trying, I went straight to the RE to start IUIs and after 4 failed IUIs, I insisted on starting IVF ASAP. After the first failure, we immediately got back on the bandwagon. Even in our one natural cycle I flew out to CCRM for the work up and then had multiple subsequent blood tests. And all along, I have been going to regular acupuncture appointments, taking herbs and an ever increasing number of vitamins. Not to mention the growing restrictions on my diet and physical activity.
Since my cycle was canceled, I can honestly say that I feel a weight has been lifted. I am not stressed about drinking a glass of wine, sneaking an extra piece of dark chocolate or working out too hard. It is wonderful, oh so wonderful, to enjoy a natural cycle, free of hormones and let my body do what it supposed to do (ok with a little help from acupuncture and herbs). I know my ovulation is coming but I am not peeing on sticks, charting or looking at my mucous. DH and I are just enjoying the act without making it a job. Will it work? Who knows but for now, its what I need. It allows me to focus my attention on moving, selling our house, my nephews upcoming wedding and most importantly the amazing son I already have.
While I definitely don’t agree with everything in Julie Indichova’s books Inconceivable and a Fertile Heart, after reading them I found a faith in my own body. I trust that I will get pregnant again. It may not happen when I want it to but it will and I will have a healthy baby.
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