The end goal

Whats important? A baby or being pregnant. The end goal is the same. A beautiful addition to the family, a little soul to kiss, cuddle and nurture. A little person to feed, burp, change diapers and keep me up at night. A sibling, partner in crime, and source of wonder for Miles. 

I haven’t throw in the towel on getting pregnant but its time to consider my options. Both Dr. Rosen at UCSF and Dr. Surrey at CCRM gave me the same advice. Don’t wait. Do IVF now and thankfully are both positive that it will indeed work. From Dr. Surrey’s viewpoint, its not that I cant get pregnant, its that with CCRM’s CCS testing, I can get to my normal embryo faster. Or find out that there are no normals and not waste anymore time on IVF. The plan is to start after my second AF following the miscarriage. I’d hoped to start sooner but hey, its another month to try naturally.

As much as I’d like the idea of getting pregnant without all the drugs, at this point, I just want the damn baby. I want to be nauseous, I want my pants to be too tight and not to be able to stay up past 7 pm. I want to watch my belly grow, feel those first flutters than full on kicks and endure the unrelenting heartburn. And I want to be sleep-deprived, to be awoken time and time again by a hungry, gassy baby who’s only comfort is mommy. And none of that matters if I get pregnant naturally or by IVF.  Just like it doesn’t matter if you have a natural, vaginal birth or C-section. Sure, I’d prefer natural but it’s the healthy baby that matters.

And to take it a step further, if it’s the baby that matters, why not adopt? Take the pregnancy out of the equation and if I can still reach the same end goal, would that be okay too? That I am not quite sure about yet but part of it rings true so Dave and I decided to take the first step in the adoption process, a homestudy.