Like I do with most things in life, when I found out the baby I was carrying Trisomy 18, I turned to the Internet. There, in cyber world, I found compassion. Not that my dear sweet husband or incredibly supportive friends weren’t devastated alongside me, they just didn’t get it. They couldn’t tell me what to expect from the procedure or how long it would take to get back to normal. And they couldn’t answer the question on how soon I could try for and likely get pregnant again.
And as the months ticked by when that BFP (Big Fat Positive in Fertility speak), didn’t show and my real world friends stopped asking if we were still trying, I popped by head in a few times. By then, I joined a board of women trying to get pregnant after termination for medical reasons (TFMR), all of whom just wanted their rainbow and NOW!
Today, six of these women, I know only by screenname, have become my rocks. We follow each other cycles, offer advice on new protocols, cry for each others BFNs and are the pillow to cry on (or punch) when yet another friend or acquaintance got pregnant without hardly trying. Nothing is too sacred – bodily fluids, anger, frustration, jealousy – and of course, more fertility tips than you could ever possible need to know. Still waiting to get a secret European honey recipe that will guarantee pregnancy.
These women’s virtual hugs after a bad day are stronger than my closest friend like yesterday when a friend made an insensitive comment about my fears during the 2ww. They have been through the same hell and like me, are now in the double hell of infertility. All they want from me and I for them is a BFP. And for that, I feel so very lucky.
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