The odds

I first started fertility treatments when I was 36. Diagnosis was unexplained infertility. The typical treatment is Clomid with an IUI. For women of my age, I had a 50% chance of getting pregnant in three months at which point, it is no longer very effective. I scored on the first try.

At 38, my odds of a chromosomal abnormality of a chromosomal abnormality were 1/102 or roughly 1%.  I hit that jackpot with flying colors. Through CVS, the boy I was carrying was diagnosed with Trisomy 18, which technically means a third 18^th chromosome (we all have 26). Unlike Trisomy 21 (better known as Downs Syndrome) which I had a 1/173 chance of, babies with Trisomy 18 have a 50% chance of dying in utero. Those that make it will spend their short hours or days fighting for breath before succumbing to their disease.

If you look at the sart.org stats for UCSF (diagnosis unexplained infertility; fresh ocolytes), my odds of success with IVF are approximately 48%. Pretty good. And considering I managed to fall into the 1% for the bad news, how hard could it be to find myself on the positive side of 50%? Its like flipping a coin. That’s the problem, its just like flipping a coin, and as we all know, you can flip a coin two times in a row and get tails both times.

Throw into that every cycle is different. You bet the $17,000 IVF cost that your over-stimulated ovaries will release healthy, ready to fertilize eggs. You bet that of the millions of sperm, your team will choose the right ones to inject creating a viable, Grade AA embryo. You bet that your lining will be just cushiony enough for those fertilized embryos to snuggle up.

And sometimes you lose. Even when everything looks perfect. When the RE gives personalized attention every step of the way, your body performs, the embryos don’t fragment and your transfer is on Valentines day.  There are no guarantees in IVF.

There are worse thing in the world. Life will go on. Many women go through far more to become mothers and many give up before they discover that joy. That is known but for a time, it doesn’t make it better.