A new house

As if the stress of IVF weren’t enough, we decided to throw buying a new home into the mix. For the last nine months, DH’s commute has been a grueling 40 miles/90 minutes each way. And after months of searching for that perfect home in just the right school district, close to trails, with a walk-in closet, level and west-facing backyard and with just a little bit of character, we found it.

Today, as we poured through more than 200 pages of disclosures and inspections, I began to wonder if it was too big. Right now, we live in a three bedroom, 2 bath, 2000 square foot home in San Francisco. In Ohio where I am from, it is tiny, the size of the bathroom and walk in closet in my brothers home. But here, it is spacious, even enviable. Perfect for a family of three and still comfortable if we have our rainbow.

Again compared to the Midwest, our new house is compact at 4 bedrooms, 3 baths and 3000 square feet. When we looked at houses, 4 bedrooms was always the minimum along with the assumption there would be a second child. Yet when today, the new house still filled with the current owners belongings, 20 miles away, felt empty. I wondered if we jinxed ourselves by buying for what had not come easily to us yet. Should we have just settled for a smaller, more affordable 3 bedroom? What if it is just the three of us?

Dave said we’d grow to fill it. Either by us or through adoption. A concept he has been resistant to until today. I am still on the fence that I could handle the emotional and financial rollercoaster of adoption after enduring the one we have been on for the last year. At some point, life must move on with other things taking priority.

In the meantime, we’ve got work to do. I am gearing up for an April stimulation and retrieval at CCRM so am busy getting all the necessary tests and paperwork completed. We have final inspections and contigencies to remove on the house. Packing, and getting our current home ready for market. And I’ve decided it might be time for me to go back to work.