And the race continues....

All I can say is thank the lord I could drink this past week. My sweet little embryos are growing in a lab 1500 miles away and all the while I am kept in the dark. It felt like Miles being in the NICU and I couldnt call the nurse every morning to get a detailed report on his weight and number of pees, poops and apneas. I created them for goodness sakes - I want daily reports. Which ones are still with us, do they look strong, what can we do to help the weak ones, is the embryologist giving them enough attention....please give me something!

But alas, after weeks of daily phone reports on my progesterone and estrogen numbers, I hear nothing from CCRM, save for a call from the business office to tell me they are having a problem running the $430 charge for the anesthesia. I expected this. I had been told I wouldnt get a call until Tuesday but it still wasnt easy. I missed seeing the familar 303 area code pop up on my iPhone, the nurse's bright cheery report and the assurance that all was well.

And finally Tuesday arrived. I held my phone close to ensure I wouldnt miss the call. While my son played and grabbed trains from screaming small tots, I stared at my iPhone willing it to ring. Every fifteen minutes, Dave texted and wondered if maybe I had the day wrong. Finally, finally after Miles finished lunch, my favorite 303 number popped up. 

She made it quick. Out of the eleven embryos, 4 made it to blast. Three are good quality, one is so-so but can definitely result in a pregnancy. Two others were still growing today but not enough for them to be able to biopsy. Of course, I question if I can keep those slow-growing potential future children just because they cant biopsy them. Does it mean they cant result in a pregnancy or just that they cant biopsy them? I never got a clear answer. It will have to wait for my regroup with Dr. Surrey tomorrow morning.

Net, net. We still look good. I had been told that around 30% of embryos make it to blast or Day 5 so we are on target. Now its 40% of blasts are normal so fingers crossed that we get our 1. The race continues.  I like to think we are at Mile 15. Broken down a bit but still strong.

Mile 10

Sticking with the marathon theme, if this were a marathon, I’d guess we were at mile 10. Things are looking good but as I always say, you never know whats going to happen until mile 18. Even if you look great, feel strong, the shit usually hits the fan when you hit mile 18.

And so far, we have had a pretty awesome run. My stimming in Denver continued to go very well. At my first appointment last Thursday, I had 12 follicles, all growing at the same rate which is what they like to see. My estrogen was also right on target so much that the doctors lowered my dosages of Menopur to 75 units from 150 and gonal from 225 to 75 for a day then to 150 ongoing.  By Monday, which was day 10 of stims, I had a 26 mm follicle and 10 others in close range so it was time to trigger. Unlike my last cycle, I did not have to do a gonal trigger as well as my follicles were right where they wanted them. Just one shot of 10,000 units of HCG in the butt given by DH at midnight and I was done with shots (total of 42 over 20 days but whose counting).

The retrieval was Wednesday morning at 11. And what a great experience compared to UCSF. I was immediately taken to my own room where I was covered in heated blankets. The nurse put a hot towel around my arm to prep it for the IV. Compared to UCSF where I sat next to three other women waiting for a retrieval, all of us in hospital gowns,  in the middle of the surgery center (to be fair, UCSF also offered hot blankets). Like UCSF, the IV did not go in easily. In fact, it took 4 tries until the anthesiologist made it work. Apparently, I have delicate veins. I finally saw Dr. Surrey for the first time when he dropped by to say hello and ask me to sign another round of consents about the myriad of risks from the retrieval. With that, the anethesiologist started the happy drugs and I was wheeled into the operating room (compared to UCSF where I walked in, put my own feet in the stirrups and then was drugged up). Next thing I remember is waking up happy 30 minutes later, starving and begging for a latte. The embryologist came by later to tell us they got 15 eggs, much better than I expected!

Dave’s job done, he left to pick up Miles, and head back to California. I was wheeled out where my dear friend drove me back to my brothers to convalesce. Thanks to my sister in law, I finally got my latte and I spent the afternoon watching Keeping up with the Kardashians. The CCRM lab called right before I was boarding my flight home with the fertilization report. Of the 15 retrieved, 11 were mature and ALL fertilized!!!

I want to be excited. I want to imagine those little embryos growing and multiplying, to one day be as cute and mischievous as their big brother. But I must remember we are far from the finish line. We must now wait 6 days to see how many of our adorable embryos make it to blast. Last cycle, I had 11 fertilize, we transferred 4 on day 3 and the rest arrested so I am realistic. CCRM does better than most clinics at getting embryos to blast which is why we are there. And from everything I have seen, they are much more on top of things than UCSF so I hope the same of the lab.

As I said, we are looking good at mile 10 which is a good thing. Five days and we will know just how much we have to work with for the CCS testing.

And we are off!

I used to be a marathoner.  My mind could never get around that I had to run 26 miles.  Even 15 sounded like a lot! So to get through it, I would break the race up in pieces – 10 miles, 15 miles, 20. If I get myself to each leg, the next chunk didn’t seem so bad. Of course, six more miles after running twenty is never easy but that is a different story.

So with this third round of IVF, I decided to take to go back to my marathon approach. Unlike my past two rounds, we wont be doing a transfer right away. In fact, there are so many hurdles to even getting to that point that I have to focus on the here and now. So far, I made it past the first three legs. 21 days of BCPs check. A period, check. And thankfully a successful baseline – cysts ,low E2 and progesterone levels. Last try, I didn’t even make it past this point. And today, I start my stim meds. Two units of Menopur in the morning and twelve hours later, 225 units of Gonal F plus 5 units of Lupron. The next goal post is my first monitoring appointment on Tuesday at a local clinic. Assuming that goes well, Miles and I will fly out to Denver on Wednesday. From there, we hope for continued growth and retrieval. After that, its about fertilization reports, how many (if any) make it to blast and then two weeks later, if any of those are normal. If we are lucky to get a normal, the next step is a FET but I am getting ahead of myself. One step at a time.

Surprisingly, I am pretty relaxed about the whole thing. I am more nervous about flying solo with Miles than my response to the meds. What will be, will be. We had our second and final homestudy meeting with the social worker today so nice that we are also moving forward on the adoption front. I’ve been reading several books to gain a better understanding of what we can expect. Sadly, I have yet to find a blog story or book about adoption after a biological child. My best example is my own brother and his wife who foster adopted a 10 month old boy after having twins who were 6 at the time. All I can say is that I don’t know who is luckier my brother and his wife or their son. There is so much love, its pretty much impossible to see a difference between him and his big sisters.  Just one big happy family which is all that Dave and I want to have, regardless of who births the baby.

But one step at a time. We will get there by staying strong, breathing and not trying to go to fast.