6dp5dt

In fertility speak, I am six days past a five day transfer. In reality it was a day 6 blast, not a 5 day, but I don’t know if they do day 6 transfers. And it was an FET. Anyway,  once I got over the delays, additional costs, snow storms and wind storms, it was an amazing experience.

I flew out to Denver last Thursday. While I waited, I became the person that doesn’t take off their IPhone. I made an FET playlist to keep my spirits up but really I could barely stop crying.  I’d made up the list from recommendations from partners in this IF nightmare so in addition to the great words, I felt the strength of the sisterhood. Particularly, Hold on Tight by ELO – thank you, Mal!

On the plane, I sat next to an older woman who also played on her IPad most of the time. Somehow we got to talking and she, too, had her first child at 37. And in the ways these conversations go, she shared that they truly wanted a second but she couldn’t conceive. A trip to the RE found that she had severe endometriosis, so bad that for a time, it was thought she had ovarian cancer. She was happy with a hysterectomy – she wasn’t going to die. She could raise her child. Gives perspective. And is happenstance, she worked as a fertility nurse for years at RSC in Orinda. I shared my story like she was an old friend, the strength of the sisterhood growing stronger. Her name was Molly, just like my great-grandmother. A great name for a little girl.

Luck stayed on my side when I arrived in Denver, covered in 8 inches of fresh snow. Even though Super Shuttle insisted on filling our van to capacity, I kept my FET playlist going and thankfully was the first to be dropped off. Like my retrieval, my transfer at CCRM was an entirely different and positive experience to UCSF. When I arrived, I was taken to my own room – at UCSF, it was a screened off room – and immediately wrapped up in warmed blankets. I had arranged acupuncture so had a 45 minute pre-transfer session. Then the transfer came to me – again compared to UCSF where I had to walk to and from the transfer room. The nurse brought me the Valium and about 30 minutes later, Dr. Surrey came in, followed by a the embryologist with a very large machine carrying my beautiful normal. The embryo had thawed perfectly intact and before my eyes was hatching. Beautiful! After the transfer, the nurse brought a bedpan – no chances taken, but kinda uncomfortable. Thankfully the Valium kept it all good. I had another acupuncture session to close it in and then told to rest for another 30 minutes on my back. At UCSF, I got up off the table post-transfer, went to the bathroom and walked out the door, completely alone. CCRM insisted on taking me downstairs in a wheelchair and nearly lifting me into the hotel shuttle.

I spent the rest of the day and Saturday, following CCRM’s bedrest guidelines. In a reclined position with legs no lower than your hips and upper body at no more than 45 degrees. I got up only to go to the bathroom and answer the door for room service. And I had perfect weather for it. I woke up to a snow storm on Saturday and spent the day watching Netflix, reading books and staying warm. Aside from a visit from my sister and law and brother with lunch, I was alone with my embryo and it was perfect.

On the way home, I continued the pampering. Rather than jump back into real life, I requested a wheel chair in the Denver airport. I gotta say it felt more than a little like cheating when my driver pushed me to the front of the security line, right behind the 90 year old blue hairs. I kept waiting for someone to point out that I looked perfectly capable of walking from moving escalator to the next. And when I got off the airport in Oakland, I kept my gaze lowered lest I see somebody I know especially when my driver actually went and found my luggage on the carousel while I caught up on email.

So now we wait. I am on thrice daily progesterone suppositories, daily estrogen suppositories, every other estrogen patches, and Lovenox shots. I want to say that I feel something but it could be the hormones. I cant compare this to past IVFs when I felt cramps and twinges because it was right after the retrieval and those weren’t BFPs anyway. My beta is Sunday and I am still not sure if I will POAS before. I am oh so hopeful and at times, almost giddy that our time as come.

And if doesn’t work, which there is a 50% shot that it wont, it will be okay. Or as Dave says, it wont be but we will make it through.