Whats next....

We are 7dpBFN5dt. This past week has been great in some ways. Without a plan for the first time since this all began, I am taking comfort in letting a higher power take over for my obsessive, compulsive drive to force myself pregnant. We all know how well that worked out for me.

After the tears dried and I drank some wine, went for a couple runs, Dave and I decided to just see how things play out. Lots of women in their 40s get pregnant. I just never really gave it the time. I went to see Dr. Liang who back in July told me I didn’t need IVF. As she needled me up, she reminded me of all the 40somethings she has helped have healthy babies after miscarriages, failed IVFs, etc. “This time you listen to me,” she said. I also ordered the Clear Blue Digital Fertility Monitor and stocked up on preseed to help us along.

Dr. Surrey called on Monday for the post-BFN call. Really there was nothing to say. There is no way I am going back to CCRM for another cycle. I did the whole CCS process that seems to work for every other person on the CCRM Fertility Community board and even with 50% chance of success, I still got a BFN. He couldn’t offer some new protocol that was sure to change things up. The fact is that I respond well and besides a couple tweaks, there isn’t much he would do. I did ask him if they ever looked at women in their late 30s and early 40s that got pregnant easily and what their AMH, FSH, etc were. Surprisingly, its never been done so women with low AMH, sky FSH and 1 resting follicle may get pregnant all the time, the REs just don’t know it. Made me realize that for those of us without an easy fix – blocked tubes, anovulatory, high TSH, etc – the REs are pretty much flying blind. Some things may work better than others but still we are just guinea pigs.

Being who I am, I still reached out to Dr. Rosen to get his thoughts. He, of course, advises I do one last IVF. Even after three failures, he still believes I can and will get pregnant again. He has been successful with every other friend I have referred to him and all have been in much worse shape than me. The only change he would make is to try a HCG infusion before transfer. Its brand new and showing good results. I promised to enjoy not being pregnant – drink wine, coffee, sushi, get him my records from CCRM and call him in January.

Adoption is still an option. I want to say that I am okay with it but that is a topic I will get into on another day. For now, I am just going to enjoy what I have. Last night, Miles climbed in between Dave and I and proclaimed “We’re family!” before kissing each of us with a giant MWAH! We are so very lucky.