Is it my mind that is toxic?

A fellow warrior in the IF journey just sent me info for this woman that does fertility mind and spirit workshops. http://www.consciousconception.net/home .  She helps you unlock your blocks to getting pregnant and some other stuff.  The front page of her website asks:

Are you "non-toxic" in body mind and spirit? Are you able to let each obstacle become an opportunity for growth and spiritual cultivation? Are you consistently giving yourself credit for what you are doing well? Are you pampering yourself on a regular basis?

Did you know that by doing any one of the above you are literally supporting your fertile 'energy'?

Part of me is ready to get on the phone and call her tomorrow to schedule a session (cant hurt right?) Then I think - seriously? people get pregnant every day without ever going to a spirit counselor to unblock their bitterness and childhood traumas. They are plenty toxic in body and spirit, enjoying healthy diets of Diet Coke, Oreos, hormone-laden meats and unresolved fights with their partner. They enjoy lingering childhood trauma well into adulthood, feel trapped and question their self worth on a daily basis. But somehow they don’t need a spiritual guide to get pregnant so why do I? Why does anyone?

I don’t want to discount her because for $100, she can unlock what $80,000 in IVF, acupuncture, Mayan massage, Preseed, the ClearBlue digital fertility monitor and supplements cannot. Read the “gratitudes” on her website and there are certainly many happy customers.  And frankly, I do believe that we have no control on this path and to survive, its essential to cultivate my spirituality and find meaning of it all. Otherwise, I might just lose it when I get the fifth request to make a meal for the newest baby in the preschool or rip down the posterboard size announcement that has been hanging outside my sons classroom for 2 weeks.

I guess my point in this rant goes back to my annoyance at all of these costly fixes to fertility. Around every corner there is one more area to explore, something I have ignored and let lapse and for a certain sum of money, I can heal myself, giving my baby the perfect vehicle. I am tired of it. My baby is coming. This is I know. Either through my body or adoption. I feel better about it than I ever have before. I don’t need to apologize for my bitterness or the pang in my gut when I see a woman my age with a big belly. No amount of spiritual guidance, therapy or wine will make that go away (though I would certainly welcome it).

That’s it for the rant. I still may call her because well, its cheaper than IVF and I am curious. And to be honest, I have some other blockages, not related to getting pregnant, that could use some healing. Plus she sounds pretty cool.